Emotional intelligence expert Carolyn Stern understands this year has been tough financially, which could impact the holiday gifts children will receive. Because of this, she’s reminding parents to support their kids in graciously reacting to disappointing gifts.
Stern spoke with ABC Audio about what parents can do to set healthy expectations and to avoid an awkward situation. “Plan ahead … Tell your kids that Grandpa Joe might not get you that gift you were hoping for, and to act gracious [and] calm your emotions,” she said.
She also said parents can encourage their children to be more empathetic by helping them understand someone went out of their way to get them a gift — and did so out of love. “The holidays are about sharing how people feel,” she noted.
Stern also encouraged teaching children to understand the sentiment behind every gift. “It’s the thought that counts,” she advised.
In the instance a child is prone to throwing tantrums, Stern says parents can nip a potential disaster in the bud by teaching their kid “to name the emotion and to tame the emotion.” For example, to help a child process disappointment in a healthy way, she says it’s best to let kids know they feel disappointed because “someone didn’t meet your expectations. And that’s OK.”
She also stressed children are allowed to feel bummed out, but parents should help them react healthily. By that, she says encourage them to “press pause” before giving into a negative emotion and “think about the impact of your response” — especially the potential consequences. (ABC IS AUDIO 1-ON-1)
She also says it’s important to teach kids to always say thank you, even if they aren’t thrilled with what they received.
Stern is also reminding adults to adjust their holiday expectations accordingly because, as she stressed, gifts do not define relationships.