Valentine’s Day not for you? Name a roach after your ex

There’s closure and then there’s “feeding your ex to a zoo animal” closure. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, several establishments are once again allowing you a little grubby get-back if you’re feeling jilted by an ex. 

Both the San Antonio Zoo and the Bronx Zoo have announced the return of their annual fundraiser that lets you name a cockroach after that not-so-special someone. 

San Antonio Zoo’s Cry Me a Cockroach initiative raises funds for the establishment and for protection of other wildlife. And if a roach won’t do, you can also name a rodent or a veggie bound for the gullet of one of the zoo’s guests. A $5, $10 or $25 donation also snags you a downloadable Valentine’s Day Card and gives you the option to @ that ex with a digital copy to show them what you think of them. 

The Bronx Zoo takes things a step further with premium options: Sure, you can name one of its truly gross Madagascar hissing cockroaches after your ex, but its “A Roach for Your Valentine” program goes all out. For a $15 donation, that person gets a printed certificate in their “honor,” and for $75, you can gift not only the certificate, but a spill-proof roach-decorated tumbler and a virtual visit with your named creepy-crawly.

The Honolulu Zoo’s “Love Bites” campaign turns a $5, $10 or $25 donation into the chance to have your “ex” symbolically fed to an animal, in the form of a mealworm, cricket or vegetable that’s named after them.