Quarantine “dog years”: Cambridge mathematician cracks formula for how the pandemic aged your relationship

If time has lost all meaning since the first time you heard the words “social distancing,” you’re not alone. With millions of people cooped up at home — even with those who under normal circumstances we actually love — it is …a lot. 

When it comes to relationships, a single year of a relationship in quarantine is the equivalent of four years in the “before times,” according to a formula devised by a Cambridge University mathematician into which were plugged the results of a Groupon survey of 2,000 Americans.

That’s right, doctoral candidate Bobby Seagull has figured out why it feels like we’re living in “dog years” now, and how that’s “aged” your relationship.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, Groupon tapped Seagull’s expertise in the universal truths, to devise a proprietary math formula to determine exactly this. 

Here’s how the Lockdown Love Formula arrived at 1 regular year = 4 during the pandemic, according to the coupon site. The formula takes into account the number of hours you spend with your significant other, compounded by the boredom factor, and the number of weeks working from home together, and the like.

You can plug in your own numbers and find out how long a year has seemed like to your own relationship.